Been A While Now

 

 

 

I have not updated for a while now. Really, I have no idea what to write anymore. But I should. I should because there are a lot of things I have learned over the course of me moving to South Australia. I have been on a roller coaster ride in so many different areas of my life since I moved here I am wondering when I would break. Maybe I broke somewhere back in March, I do not remember anymore. Oh well, I did survive March, although I have no idea if I am living now or am I just drifting in the void.

One of the main reason why I feel that way is because I have no found a job here yet, Not after seven months. I’d wish I have a job. It is a comfort zone like no other. It is the security blanket I need to allow me to be creative and do what I do best for myself after it is done for the day. Back in Singapore, I never had that kind of luck. Working in a school from 7.00am to 4.00pm, sometimes later and then rushing to give tuition till 9.30pm, working all through Saturdays and Sundays. All these did not grant me the time to do what I liked. So I was glad that when that stopped, I had time to write my Mass Effect fanfic and create in my Sim on a stick world, not to mention creating skins for sale in Inworldz. These are really great things that I did which made not just me, but others happy.

So now, with seven months of freedom on my hands, what have I been doing? Sulking. Fearing. Hanging on to depression and hoping that would get me out of it and give me a job. That was what I have been doing.

About two weeks back, I told myself no more. I need to looking into starting somewhere. So I started with a project I wanted to finish but never did – filling my Inworldz *TARO* shop’s second level with clothes. And I did that after about a week of working till 5.30am daily. And I was proud of me. And I told myself, “There is still hop. And that tomorrow, let’s go find ourselves a job again.” Surly with my dedication to work, something will pop up. So the next day arrived, and I woke up knowing I should be all readied and off on my job search. And I immediately deflated. I wanted to die. Then I wanted to go home. Then thinking of going home, I wanted to die some more. So I told myself I was giving myself a day off. And that day turned into two. And then three. And then it was the weekend. And I was in anticipation of my Monday meeting with people from Vinnie’s.

I have not made many friends here. Being isolated was not a good feeling. And after so many years of not needing new friends (I have made some of the best friends a person could make over the course of my years on Earth and had become very comfortable), I did not know if I would fit in.

And I was so wrong. People there made me feel welcome immediately. And suddenly, I was me again. The bubbly, happy, filled with energy me was back! I have not seen her for years! And she was back! And I looked at myself and went, “Oh God, and I had been so accustomed to thinking I was not a bubbly, happy person, what had life done to me?”

So, these seven months had taught me lots, and I know it has. There should be many posts regarding them. Yet I am just sitting here thinking I have nothing to say. How could I have anything to say when I am jobless? I don’t even feel like I have any rights to say anything without a job. This is how badly I see myself at the moment.

Thousand sighs.